05-10-2009, 11:33pm
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really
cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone
else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and
said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.
The girl looked at him, and then said, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT !'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the
money on the floor, you bend down and I'll
finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult
with her boyfriend... So she called him and explained the
situation.
Her boyfriend said, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the
money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants
down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still
waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the
boyfriend calls and asks 'What happened...?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,
'The bastard had all quarters!'
9 words women use...
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
( Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
__________________
A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says we developed from monkeys?"
The Father answers, "That's simple, honey. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about her side."
Professor was giving a lecture ...
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not his most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. Pointing to a young woman in the front row the professor asked, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" And the young woman replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
An American soldier had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded,so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up,
"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
__________________
cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone
else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and
said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.
The girl looked at him, and then said, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT !'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the
money on the floor, you bend down and I'll
finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult
with her boyfriend... So she called him and explained the
situation.
Her boyfriend said, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the
money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants
down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still
waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the
boyfriend calls and asks 'What happened...?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,
'The bastard had all quarters!'
9 words women use...
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
( Whatever: Is a women's way of saying SCREW YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
__________________
A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race come about?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her father and says: "Dad, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Mom says we developed from monkeys?"
The Father answers, "That's simple, honey. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your mother told you about her side."
Professor was giving a lecture ...
A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not his most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. Pointing to a young woman in the front row the professor asked, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" And the young woman replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
An American soldier had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded,so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up,
"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
__________________