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18-10-2006, 01:56pm
George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
But, you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take the person's place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Bush thinks that sounds pretty good, so he agrees.
The Devil opens the first room. In it is Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He keeps diving in and surfacing, empty handed, over and over and over. Such is his fate in Hell.
"No!" George says. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil leads him to the next room. In it is Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he does is swing the hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" comments George.
The Devil opens a third door. In it, George sees Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor, his arms over his head and his legs in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Bush looks at this in disbelief for a while and finally says, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiles and says, "Monica, you're free to go!"
" Life Explained "
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For
this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a
long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten"?
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people,
do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year
life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did"?
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will
give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
Sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty"?
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,
the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay"?
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the
front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. Now go forth.
But, you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take the person's place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Bush thinks that sounds pretty good, so he agrees.
The Devil opens the first room. In it is Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He keeps diving in and surfacing, empty handed, over and over and over. Such is his fate in Hell.
"No!" George says. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The Devil leads him to the next room. In it is Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he does is swing the hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" comments George.
The Devil opens a third door. In it, George sees Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor, his arms over his head and his legs in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him is Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Bush looks at this in disbelief for a while and finally says, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The Devil smiles and says, "Monica, you're free to go!"
" Life Explained "
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For
this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a
long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten"?
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people,
do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year
life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long
time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did"?
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will
give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
Sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty"?
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry
and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But man said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty,
the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay"?
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the
front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you. Now go forth.