It's FRIDAY!
THE NEW AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM
Australians all let us rejoice
The weekend now is near
We've worked all bloody week for this
Dear God let's get a beer.
Our desks abound in paperwork
Our hands are stained with ink
In desperate stage, we'll fly the cage
Advance to Friday drinks!!
With joyful strains, destroy our brains
Advance to Friday drinks.
Beneath our radiant locals sign
We toil with glass in hand
To be the one to skull the most
Fall down, or lose your pants.
Tequila shots, we'll take the lot
That guy behind us stinks.
Beer goggles on, it's time to run
Go home from Friday drinks.
Spew rumbo stains and vodka trains
I'm done with Friday drinks!!!
A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat. As he
settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She
took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he
blurted out, "Business trip or Holiday?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the
annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".
He swallowed hard... here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever
seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for
nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men
are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth
is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men
of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in
all categories are the Irish.
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and quiet.....
"I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with
you, I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said... "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me
Paddy."
Its not the phantom anymore,its the urban assault legend!
It's coming up to lambing season and the new young farmer has no idea on what to do - so he goes into town and sees the vet.
He asks the vet how will he know when the sheep are pregnant? The vet tells him to look first thing in the morning and if they are standing then they are preggers.
So, for a week he tries the vets method and nothing works, so he decides to do it himself. Next day he takes the sheep in the ute out into the paddock and spends the day doing the business
Next morning, he peers out the window and all the sheep are laying down, so he loads them all up takes them out again and proceeds to do the business.
Next morning he peers out the window and sees the same thing, all the sheep laying down again, he can't believe it.
He is more determined to get it right - he loads them all up, back out into the paddock and does his thing.
The next morning the young couple are lying in bed and the farmer is so tired he asks his wife to open the curtains and tell him what the sheep are doing - she peers out of the window and says to him " I'm not sure what you have been up to - but the sheep are all loaded into the ute and one of them is honking on the horn!"
Ruffy
PS - Why do kiwi farmers wear tracksuits these days?
The sheep are getting used to the sound of zippers!
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