Really tasteless joke...

[Xhiler8r]

Q: why has it been proven that GOD was a politician.?


A: cause only a politician would put a playground so close to a sewer on a woman..

[rocket rod 7777]

Ok,heres an oldie but a goodie
A bloke walks into a fancy dress party and casually checks out everyones costumes.He spots a good looking woman standing by herself in the corner with no clothes on.As he approaches her he notices that she has a safety pin through her pussy.He is intrigued by this and asks her what she has come as.She answers,"I'm a grenade,pull out the pin and up you go!"

[demeester]

A guy turns up to a fancy dress party carrying a girl, piggy back.

"What are you?" he is asked.

"A turtle", he replies.

Puzzled, the enquirer points at the girl hanging on to him. "What about her?"

"Oh, that's Michelle!"

[rev 01]

Couple of geezers on their 50 th anniversary dirty weekend away. Wife says to hubby:

Oh Fred, this is wonderful, the same room in the same Motel as all those years ago

Now can you remember what you said to me back then ?

Fred: Well, if my memory serves me right I said I'd f*** you stupid & suck your tits dry

Wife: Yes yes! that's exactly what you said to me darling how wonderful of you to remember & what do you say now ???

Fred: I think I succeeded

[ColinT]

A boy and a girl in their teens go out on their first date. During the evening the boy asks for a head job, to which the girl responds "No. You won't respect me if I do".

A few years later, the same bloke proposes marriage to the girl and the girl accepts. He again asks for a head job, to which the girl responds "No. You won't respect me if I do".

Anyway, they get married and on their wedding night he again asks for a head job, to which the wife responds "No. You won't respect me if I do".

This goes on every anniversary until on their 50th, when the couple are in bed and the man says "We have been together for over 50 years now, I have been faithful to you, we have 4 kids and 7 grandkids, I have respected you through thick and thin, will you now give me a head job?" The wife says OK and does the deed, to the great pleasure of the man.

Soon after, they are both laying back and relaxing, when the phone rings. The man answers the phone and then turns to his wife and says "Hey cocksucker, its for you!" Regards,
ColinT

[ColinT]

Two old farmers, Bill and Dick, are standing in the local bar chatting.

Bill's telling Dick about his upcoming trip to the big smoke.

Dick says "So, are you gonna take the old route?"

To which Bill replies "Yeah, I suppose, she has stuck by me since the war...." Regards,
ColinT

[Xhiler8r]

2 Men walk into a bar you think of them would have seen it.



Mick appeared on the Irish version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
and

towards the end of the programme had already won $500,000.
"You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for $1


million you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything
is

riding on this question......will you go for it?"



"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"


"OK. The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build it's
own

nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, © cuckoo, or (d) thrush."
"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, "so I'll use my last lifeline and
phone

my friend Paddy back home in Ballygoon."
Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the

question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo."

"Are you sure, Paddy?" asked Mick. "I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter, "I'll go with cuckoo
as

my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
"Dat it is, Sir."
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is
the
correct answer! Mick, you've won $1 million!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a
drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in God's name did you know it was the cuckoo that

doesn't build it's own nest? I mean you know fook-all about birds."
"For fooks sake!" laughed Paddy. "Everybody knows a fookin cuckoo
lives in

a clock!"

regards Bill

[redbus]

bloody ripper bill, I realy did lol

[ressac]

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

TWO. One to screw it in, the other to suck my dick!

[Xhiler8r]

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after
the examination.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent
it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from
Belfast, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."

[rocket rod 7777]

A woman standing nude,looks in the mirror and says to her husband "I look horrible,fat and ugly.......can you please pay me a compliment?"The husband replies........














Well your eyesights spot on!

A blonde pushes her BMW into a service station.
She tells the mechanic it just died.After he works on it for a few minutes,its starts and is idling smoothly.
She says,"Whats the story?"He replies,"Just crap in the carburettor."
She says"How often do i have to do that?"

[demeester]

A penguin is driving along on a hot day, and steam starts pouring from under the bonnet. He pulls in to a mechanic's and the mechanic says he'll look at it.

Being a hot day, the penguin decides to go for an ice-cream while he waits. He goes to the shop and gets a bowl of ice cream, which he devours quickly, but makes a real mess (flippers make it hard to use a spoon, you know).

He goes back to see how the mechanic is going. The mechanic has his head under the bonnet and looks up when the penguin walks in.

"You've blown a seal" he says as the penguin approaches.

"No, no", protests the penguin, wiping his mouth. "It's just ice-cream!"

[ressac]

Answer: A Cockrobin







Question: Batman, what are you putting in my mouth?
D">

[A Real Jewel]

Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs,
Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife:"> , but
you can't beat a blowjob.

Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.

Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they
get.

Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and
your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your
paycheck!

Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"

Jules - always smiling, it keeps everyone guessing!

[Wily E C]

So this guy walks into the doctors`office and sez "Hey doc,I`ve got a really bad case of the CRABS ! ...what can you do about it??"
"Ok" sez the doc "letz have a peek."
The guy drops his dacks and there they are,thousands of the little critters,a-hoppin`& a-jumpin` round everywhere.
"HOLY SHIT!" sez the doc "it`s the worst case I`ve ever seen! you`re gunna have to take some real drastic measures to fix this...every day,I want you to put a fresh ICE-PACK down into your jocks,and keep it there."
"It`ll be really uncomfortable but I guarantee it`ll get rid of the little cretins....and come back and see me again in 2 weeks."

So the guy follows the docs`instructions,enduring the agony and embarassment and finally returns 2 weeks later,full of joy.
"Hey doc" sez the guy happily,as he drops his dacks "It worked...look,they`re all GONE !"
"Ok,thats great" the doc sez "but just to be sure,letz have a real close inspection."
"Mmmmm,all`s well so far" sez the doc as he checks the guy out with a magnifying glass.
"Righty-o then,letz just check under here." sez the doc as he slowly and carefully peels back the guys` foreskin."
"FUCKIN `ELL" screams the startled doc as he suddenly reveals 50,000 SHIVERING CRABS,all huddled together yelling"f*** IT`S COLD IN HERE !!"