One Liners to cheer-up Slong

[skuzzbutt]

Here's a challange to fine the funniest "one liner" when pulled over and asked if you where speeding?

i.e "No sir i was not speeding but I passed a lot of people that were....!"

[rai1300]

True story this. Its a little longer than a one liner.

Was doing just over twice the speed limit when I noticed Police car coming towards me in the opposite direction. Obviously hit the anchors, wipe off speed as fast as possible.

Police car drives past, does U-turn and pulls me over. They get out of the car and ask me 'How fast was I going when I saw them'.

So I take the punt that they don't have a mobile radar. Look at the cop closest to me straight in the eye and with a straight face say 'I know its hard to believe but I was doing 55KPH'.

Gees you should have seen their faces! They had estimated that I was at least 60k over the limit. I then followed up with 'The engine is making a pinging sound and I was revving it out in 1st gear trying to work out the cause of the problem'. That is why I may have appeared to be going faster than I was.

Next thing you know I am revving the engine trying to point out the pinging sound that doesn't exist. Had the cop kneeling down with his head about 10cm from the engine.

Still don't know how I stopped from laughing. Got off with a warning.

[rocket rod 7777]

Whenever i get pulled up for speeding,the cop always asks "WHAT IS YOUR REASON FOR SPEEDING"I Repley with is their any reason that will get me out of a ticket and if their is, thats it then........

[Heidi1]

They tend to LEAP out of the car and race over to me shouting 'how fast do you think you were GOING mate?'. I then take off the helmet, smile and say, 'I'm terribly sorry, was I speeding?'. By the time they have stopped staggering about clutching at their chests and carrying on about girls/bikes/big bikes/etc...... they've usually forgotten why they pulled me over in the first place. If they've ever ridden bikes they want to ask questions, if they haven't, they want to know why a girl wants a big bike like that.

Must admit though, I did get done a week before Christmas, double demerit points. Luckily the cop was really reasonable and came down on his initial assessment of 45kms over the limit, 16 points and $400.

IT WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS A GIRL, I was polite.

[rocket rod 7777]

The cops probably went easy on you after seeing the toothless smile..

[busababy]

16 points heidi???????

[busababy]

A lawyer purchased a box of 24 very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month he had smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy and duly filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." (he he)
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued.... and won!
In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced him to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
(Perhaps our own illustrious criminal lawyer Adrian aka ac boosa, could confirm the legitimacy of this story)

[rocket rod 7777]

Do you know why they have seatbelts in cars?.So the paramedics dont have to look for the bodies after the accident Im a sick man....

[Scott W]

Cop asks (as they always do): "How fast do you think you were going?"

Answer: "I have no idea, my speedo only goes up to 340kph!"

[GSXR1000]

An oldie but a goldie.....
A meek, mild & gentle bloke buys himself a Busa. (you know, the average owner)
After riding it around for a while well within the speed limit, (again, like the average owner......) he decides to give it a bit of a burst. As his speed rose well into the triple digit area he shot past an unmarked police car that proceeded to give chase.
He of course paniced & kept into it for abit, before he calmed down & thought "my god, what am I doing? I'm not that kind of a person, & I'm running away from the police."
So he pulls over. (& obviously waits for the poor old commodore to cath up)
The cop jumps out of the car & says, "look mate, its christmas, its the end of my shift, if you have a good reason for speeding I'll let you go"
"Weeeell, a couple of weeks ago my wife ran off with a policeman.......... I thought you may have been trying to return her."
The cop got back in his car & drove off.

[Poh]

Then there was the driver who was pulled over for the usual license check, RBT and speeding discussion at 6.00am on a Saturday morning.

When the uniform appeared the rider asked the officer why he was not at the wedding. The officer was perplexed and asked "what wedding"?

"Your mother and fathers you bastard" repied the rider.

(My brother used this line when much younger and at Teachers college. Patrolman Pat was not amused and brother ended up in serious bother with defect, speeding and abusive language notices!)

Taking a run up Thunderbolts and the Oxley on the Saturday of the long weekend if any Newcastle/Sydney riders are interested.

POH

[ac boosa]

I dont know about that cigar one. It's definitely not an Australian matter but I have heard the story before. I would have some doubt about the legitimacy of the story if it wasnt for the U S of A - anything can happen over there.
...
I got pulled over just before Christmas doing, well lets just say, licence losing speed. Before I could come up with "Sorry officer, I was just trying to get away from the cops" plod says, "dont worry mate, I just wanted to check out your bike".

Broooo hah hah hah