Really poor joke...

[demeester]

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away".

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something?"

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind Legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet fussed the dog and took it out but returned a few moments later with a cat! The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry; but like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably ... dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but........what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."



And if you got this far, I did warn you....

[Heidi1]

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time, and it should cause the ship to turnover and sink. They tried it - and sure enough, the ship turned
over and quickly sank.

Soon, however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

BOOM-tish

HEIDI xxx

[rev 01]

What's long, pink & blows seamen everywhere ?

An Excocet missile ! boom boom.

[skuzzbutt]

Lady goes shopping for her pride and joy......finally she can afford the car of her dreams....she walks into a Toyota dealer and walks around the yard and is disappointed.....and then...she sees the vehicles shes been looking for.......the Lexus show room......walks up to the show room door and there it is..!!!....a limited edition silver 500 XLS Lexus.......she approaches the car and opens the door....the smell of the leather seats AARgh.....she bends down to touch the seats and lets go with a big fart.....!...oops......Really embarrassed she looks around hoping the sales rep is not around......Phew no-one in sight....she turns back and there he is on the other side of the car......"can I help you madam?" ....."well yes could you please tell the price of this car?"........

"well yes I can...but if touching the upholstery makes you fart......your going to SHIT yourself when you hear the price"................

Stuart