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20-02-2009, 10:13am
Here is a list of the all time best Homer Simpson quotes ever.
> Son, when you participate in sporting events, itâ€s not whether you win or lose: itâ€s how drunk you get.
>Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, youâ€d step over your own mother just to get one! But you canâ€t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
>Whatâ€s the point of going out? Weâ€re just going to wind up back here anyway.
>Iâ€m normally not a praying man, but if youâ€re up there, please save me, Superman.
>Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
>Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,†and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin… but what good does that do me?
>I hope I didnâ€t brain my damage.
>Weaseling out of things is important to learn. Itâ€s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.
>Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
>How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
>Old people donâ€t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
>Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything thatâ€s even remotely true!
>How could you?! Havenâ€t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didnâ€t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
>You donâ€t like your job, you donâ€t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thatâ€s the American way.
>Oh, Iâ€m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I donâ€t have to listen to myself. Iâ€m drunk.
> Son, when you participate in sporting events, itâ€s not whether you win or lose: itâ€s how drunk you get.
>Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, youâ€d step over your own mother just to get one! But you canâ€t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
>Whatâ€s the point of going out? Weâ€re just going to wind up back here anyway.
>Iâ€m normally not a praying man, but if youâ€re up there, please save me, Superman.
>Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
>Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,†and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin… but what good does that do me?
>I hope I didnâ€t brain my damage.
>Weaseling out of things is important to learn. Itâ€s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.
>Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
>How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
>Old people donâ€t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
>Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything thatâ€s even remotely true!
>How could you?! Havenâ€t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didnâ€t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
>You donâ€t like your job, you donâ€t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. Thatâ€s the American way.
>Oh, Iâ€m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I donâ€t have to listen to myself. Iâ€m drunk.