Laughter... The Best Medicene PLEASE USE NEW THREAD

[pan]

>*LOG ON*: Adding wood to make the Barbie hotter.
>*LOG OFF*: Not adding any more wood to the Barbie.
>*MONITOR*: Keeping an eye on the Barbie.
>*DOWNLOAD*: Getting the firewood off the ute.
>*HARD DRIVE*: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
>*KEYBOARD*: Where you hang the ute keys.
>*WINDOW*: What you shut when the weather's cold.
>*SCREEN*: What you shut in the mozzie season.
>*BYTE*: What mozzies do.
>*MEGABYTE*: What Townsville mozzies do.
>*CHIP*: A bar snack.
>*MICROCHIP*: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
>*MODEM*: What you did to the lawns.
>*LAPTOP*: Where the cat sleeps.
>*SOFTWARE*: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
>*HARDWARE*: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
>*MOUSE*: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
>*MAINFRAME*: What holds the shed up.
>*WEB*: What spiders make.
>*WEBSITE*: Usually in the shed or under the veranda.
>*SEARCH ENGINE*: What you do when the ute won't go.
>*CURSOR*: What you say when the ute won't go.
>*YAHOO*: What you say when the ute does go.
>*UPGRADE*: A steep hill.
>*SERVER*: The sheila at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
>*MAIL SERVER*: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
>*USER*: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
>*NETWORK*: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
>*INTERNET*: Where you want the fish to go.
>*NETSCAPE*: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
>*ONLINE*: Where you hang the washing.
>*OFFLINE*: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough

"sometimes crime does pay"